Staying Awake

I know that Jesus has called the church to remain awake, watching for His return - however I don't think that my sleeplessness last night was what He had in mind. It was Audrey's birthday, the first in twenty some odd years that we have been apart ~ at least to my remembrance. We are dog sitting Chloe as Maura, Roxanne and Audrey gallivant around the Mexican Riviera.  I'm so happy for them but it sure has seemed like a very long week - we all miss her very much. I think Chloe may be out of sorts as well, for last night she again decided she needed to sleep with me. A very loud snoring dog, and every time I woke her up she licked her paw for 10 minutes. Argh. Well, I was up from 2:11 - 3:11 and beyond, and was thinking much about church and ministry and God. And I was determining that I didn't want to have my relationship with the Lord suffer because I am a pastor. That's right - not wanting my knowing the Lord to be consumed by working for the Lord, which in fact may not be working for the Lord at all. It may just be working in the busy-ness and/or the business of the church. Certainly ministry takes place, but I'm not sure it is so 'Spirit' infused as it needs to be. I seem disconnected from the Lord, but am coming closer. Deep is calling unto deep. I pray that I would stay awake spiritually, not allow myself to be lulled into stupor by my own negligence and apathy.